I want to write a piece for my parenting blog talking about teaching my kids how to behave appropriately. I didn't follow a punishment model. I thought of it as discipline, but that word has so much baggage attached to it that it has connotations of BDSM-style weirdness for many people. (Talking with folks who were into BDSM actually suggests that the punishment model for raising kids likely is a contributing factor to the existence of some of that BDSM stuff.)
When I search for the word discipline on the internet, the first thing I get is a definition that says: the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience. I'm not exactly surprised, but it just deepens my concerns about how on earth to communicate on this subject for which there seems to be no pre-existing word or phrase to succinctly convey the gist of my approach to raising future adults.
The Wikipedia page is a hodgepodge. On the upside, it includes both the idea that In the academic and professional worlds a discipline is a specific branch of knowledge, learning or practice. and Discipline can be a set of expectations that are required by any governing entity including the self, groups, classes, fields, industries, or societies.
These are closer to what I mean, but I'm sure it's not what people will envision should they see a piece on a parenting site with the one word title of Discipline. People will assume I mean punishment when I don't. I'm equally sure that trying to come up with some highly creative title that more closely fits my meaning will fail to communicate anything whatsoever.
I've been down this road before. When your mental models for how to approach a problem space are too different from the norm and you want to offer them as an alternative to an existing model, references to the existing model are needed to draw people to the subject at all. They don't know how to search for a solution without using those terms.
But using those terms also keeps you a prisoner of those mental models. They convey a thing you don't actually want to convey at all.
I have no idea what I am going to title this piece. For now, I intend to use the word Discipline as a title placeholder for just me.
Much of the above was what I started to write when I wanted to write the piece, but it's meta commentary that has nothing to do with raising kids. It's a derail that doesn't belong in the piece, but it's something I needed to say to myself for my own edification.
Sometimes, writing the piece is the best way to find my way to a title. Titles are sometimes emergent things that grow organically out of the framing of the article.
When I search for the word discipline on the internet, the first thing I get is a definition that says: the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience. I'm not exactly surprised, but it just deepens my concerns about how on earth to communicate on this subject for which there seems to be no pre-existing word or phrase to succinctly convey the gist of my approach to raising future adults.
The Wikipedia page is a hodgepodge. On the upside, it includes both the idea that In the academic and professional worlds a discipline is a specific branch of knowledge, learning or practice. and Discipline can be a set of expectations that are required by any governing entity including the self, groups, classes, fields, industries, or societies.
These are closer to what I mean, but I'm sure it's not what people will envision should they see a piece on a parenting site with the one word title of Discipline. People will assume I mean punishment when I don't. I'm equally sure that trying to come up with some highly creative title that more closely fits my meaning will fail to communicate anything whatsoever.
I've been down this road before. When your mental models for how to approach a problem space are too different from the norm and you want to offer them as an alternative to an existing model, references to the existing model are needed to draw people to the subject at all. They don't know how to search for a solution without using those terms.
But using those terms also keeps you a prisoner of those mental models. They convey a thing you don't actually want to convey at all.
I have no idea what I am going to title this piece. For now, I intend to use the word Discipline as a title placeholder for just me.
Much of the above was what I started to write when I wanted to write the piece, but it's meta commentary that has nothing to do with raising kids. It's a derail that doesn't belong in the piece, but it's something I needed to say to myself for my own edification.
Sometimes, writing the piece is the best way to find my way to a title. Titles are sometimes emergent things that grow organically out of the framing of the article.
Comments
I struggle to express this concept concisely without it sounding like I mean corporal punishment. By "physical intervention" I don't mean a spanking, I mean getting up to remove a toy or to pick the child up and move them away from the situation. I don't want to have to put those disclaimers in every time, but I worry what people might think if I don't.
I came across this line the other day: "In philosophy, there are generally two ways to write: so that it is easy for you to be understood, or so that it is difficult for you to be misunderstood." I want my writing to be easy to understand, but I get tangled up trying to make sure I don't get misunderstood. I guess the best writers are able to achieve both of those goals at the same time.